Thursday, October 16, 2014

Sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm not Kelli

Sorry, I'm not sorry, I'm not Kelli

I was recently told by a certain blogger who declared, “I am Kelli, we all are
 Kelli” that I lack compassion because I dared to disagree with her. Well let me tell you, I do have compassion.I’m sorry that Kelli had so much hate and evil in her heart, and I’m sorry that you think you are like her. But mostly I’m sorry for Issy and what she went through and I’m scared for your kids. I will you keep you all in my prayers.I will pray Kelli owns up to what she did and asks for forgiveness. I will pray that people like you start to recognizing who the real victim is and that you never go down the road Kelli did. I’m sorry your conscience is hurting you, but please don’t try to make yourself feel better by telling me that I am like Kelli too. I am not.   I recognize that I am not perfect, not the perfect person, not the perfect mother. I’m a sinner in need of God’s grace and thankfully I have it. Through His grace I have love in my heart for my child AND his Autism.
You see, I’m sorry but I can’t sympathize with wanting to murder my child, and I can’t “understand” That doesn't mean I lack compassion, but it does mean I will look at what happened to Issy and say “that is WRONG” and I will not excuse it. I’m sorry I can’t walk in Kelli’s shoes, because to do so would be to hate Autism and hate my child. Those are things I could never do, and that’s why I could never be like you or like Kelli. God has put too much love in my heart for my little boy. #IAmNOTKelliStapleton

Written by Alaina S.


  1. I have done a lot of growing in the past year.

    I used to be Kelli Stapleton.

    I was scared. I was hurting. I was very alone.

    My child hurt me. He gave me a concussion.

    It was no excuse.

    Kelli and others like her understood.

    THAT was no excuse.

    I exploited my child's vulnerable moments.

    I said things like "I hate autism" and "I love my child but hate his brain"

    I have no excuses.

    In the last several months, I have grown.

    I have apologized to my children, begged their forgiveness and helped them develop rules for privacy and what can be posted online and when.

    I left the online "support groups" that enabled my previous behavior.

    I feel alone. I am scared. But, that is a small price to pay.

    I am NOT Kelli Stapleton.

    1. I am very glad, for your child's sake, that you realized what you were doing and have since stopped.

      Online support groups are usually the worst places to find actual support (advice, resources, etc...) They are usually a place to commiserate and that's it.

      I invite you to join us at Autism Women's Network and/or Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance on FB. Those two are not support groups, but you will find a lot of helpful hints and maybe meet some people who share your line of thinking and find a new support system

  2. What a brave comment. It is really hard to change the way we see the world and admit our mistakes as parents--we all make them. I want to say that you don't need to feel alone and scared--that there is a community of people waiting to embrace you and walk with you. <3

    1. Thank you. I spent a long time last night reading your blog. I'm still not sure where to go to find that community but I am looking.

  3. Very brave comment, I hope you know you are not alone. My son hits me too and in weak moments I have cried and secretly wished that he could be "normal" None of us can love perfectly all the time. I do believe we have choice how we approach our children's struggles and their Autism We can chose to be happy and look at the ways they are wonderful, instead of focusing on the bad parts. We can pray to God to help us through the bad and help us look for and enjoy the good. That's why I stopped reading those blogs too, one's like Kelli's and her blogger friends. I don't want to dwell in the status woe.. I want to live in joy with my son. I know you can get there and know there of others of us here to support you <3